Follows The Sun

The world
Windy. I guess Biden says that all adults should be made eligible for vaccines by May 1. That we’ll celebrate July 4 together… in person? I don’t really care about July 4, but I do really care about sitting with Hoy and Hugo at a cafe outdoors. Maybe I’ll do that this summer. First I will wait for daffodils.

The kiddo
Went down to sleep awake! Sang and chatted in his bed, turned on his tummy, asleep. Also, at dinner, I cracked him up by saying “yes” and “no” in the husky, abrupt tone of voice that he finds so hilarious.

Me
How do I get so tired when I don’t go anywhere or seem to get anything done? Is this parenthood? Is this being in my mid-thirties? Is it zoom class?
Yes.

The world
Cloudy, windy, almost 70 today. Took a walk with Hoy mid-day; not that I didn’t have work to do but the first day over 65 demands action. Brushed leaves aside from my scilla where I could find it coming up. Bit by bit.

The kiddo
A bit uffish today. Fussy with Mishell, then happy as soon as I came in – and I heard him crying as soon as I left again. Chortling with me, then suddenly on the verge of tears for a few seconds – if I quieted down for a bit I could get the chuckles back. Same with Hoy and the guitar – good, then too much, calmed with quiet, enjoyed the music, too much again.

Me
I guess that which gets in the way of the work is the work? I thought I’d knock some stuff out, wham-bam. Instead, hours of looking for data on health behaviors in Michigan. Also, the headache came back. Seems connected.

The world
Snow drops snow drops snow drops! And crocuses, too. Impatience tempered by constant tiny changes.

The kiddo
First ride in the sitting-up stroller today. Was interested but got a bit fussy, same as he’s been getting in the reclining carseat stroller recently. What does this mean? Walks are important to me, Hugo! We’ll have to figure it out.

Me
I’m here, too. Made a nice dinner – whole wheat spaghetti with pea pesto and broccoli. Talked to my professor probably more about babies than about my project. Mucking along, having a nice time.

The world
Friends my age are getting vaccinated in NYC. More and more little green things. But an unknown number of weeks or months till there are leaves on the trees, I can sit outside without getting chilled, we can get shots ourselves.

The kiddo
Is most chatty of all right after eating. Or, at the same time, if he’s having a bottle. Mostly serious eating solid foods, but periodically looks over and grins at me. A delight.

Me
I am almost able to do the things I need to do in the time I allot to do them. Some things get done late. I expect I’ll get better and better at knowing which things can handle a spot of lateness here and there.

The world
Bright, sunny, still cold. Mom and dad brought forsythia branches in a few weeks ago and forced them in water; all in bloom this afternoon, with just a few green leaves.

The kiddo
Man of mystery. Nap striker. But fun and funny as ever. Hoy gave him water out of a big people cup at dinner; he was interested and excited and kept reaching out for it — but also looking over at me, maybe to check that this was safe and ok? I told him yes, definitely. Plenty of water on his shirt. Did he drink any? Unknown.

Me
Sitting outside in the cold with my Dev cohort. Or at least, the first year Dev cohort. They seem lovely! And I think I got chilled – warmed up OK, but tired after that in a way I couldn’t shake. Feeling very lucky to have Hoy to step up when all I need in the world is the couch.

The world
3 mile walk today! We visited the chickens over on Fountain; most looking lovely but one lady has a big spot of bare feather pins on her wing. Back home I poked around at the garden – lots of daffodils coming up but the scilla I’m less sure of.

The kiddo
Spent a while chatting after dinner. Seemed to be saying “Magda!,” like Hoy’s new favorite baby-raising guru. “eaaaugh. Meh. Magda! Gah! Laammmnnnd. Magdah!” I like this baby.

Me
Almost no discomfort today. Generally, a very nice day. Starting to feel like I’ll be able to get done what I need to get done with work in the time I’m willing to give it. A nice way to feel.

The world
First snowdrops I’ve seen in the neighborhood are out in a house along Fountain. Things are growing in the sun. They don’t mind the cold as much as I do.

The kiddo
Really seems to like the muffins I made him! Entranced by Gracie when she visited today; reached out for her repeatedly and grabbed her tail flag.

Me
Much less discomfort today, hooray. Thinking about gender and my tendency to feel jealous of people who claim nonbinary identities – like how come they can but I can’t? Still not sure it’s right for me; glad to have friends with whom to talk through things.

The world
Cold. Walked Belize park loop twice anyway. Good to get out, and not surprising that it’s not all 50s and sunny this early.

The kiddo
Screamy-happy but too loud, then fussy for a while tonight. We thought maybe sleepy, but no nap came. Perfectly adorable at dinner though, covering himself and everything within reach in flecks of deep green spinach and orange yams.

Me
Bloated. Gassy. But the headache is reduced! Drank a lot more water today than past few days, maybe that helped? Wish I could wrangle my focus a little better. Dreaming of planting marigolds and nasturtiums, and keeping pots of herbs.

The world
Bright and sunny. Took 3 walks today, knowing it won’t really last. M&D vaccinated today! In New York City, people my age are getting vaccinated just because they want to. Maybe we’ll get there one of these days.

The kiddo
Bread is a much less messy breakfast than banana. Mishell says he’s soothed himself to sleep from crying twice; maybe we just need to be tough enough to let him? Invented a game called “jump!” in which I pick him up from standing on my chest and say “jump!” – got chuckles. A win.

Me
Increasingly sick of headaches but not sure what to do about them. They definitely come from the tension in my neck creeping into my skull from the base forward. Sit better? Sit less? Focus differently? I feel like all my coats push my neck forward. Stupid.

The World
Is very windy today! But plenty of sun and rainbows from our new window crystal.

The Kiddo
Slept so much. Yesterday, maybe an hour of napping total all day. Today, a two hour nap, then another hour plus nap. Looked like he could have done more, but we did not allow it. What is afoot?

Me
Thinking about developing patterns. We’re quick to make routines and rituals, and pretty good at letting them go when things shift – but the past two mornings Hugo hasn’t wanted to do much of a morning nurse and I’ve been thrown for a loop. Somehow even though everything about him changes quickly, I figured that would stick around for months more. I am grateful that feeding him solid-food breakfast is so much fun, as I try to absorb letting go of our long morning nurse-sing-playtime in bed.